dragons, magic and cows.

Can evil people do good things?

2011-12-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

^"Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’" -Matthew 7:22-23

I think the people in this passage ACTUALLY DID the things they are claiming to have done here. But they are definitely NOT appealing to their BELIEF for salvation but rather their works(arminian) or their "works as proof"(calvinist) of their salvation.

America the beautiful

2011-12-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

I'll never understand arminian/calvinist soteriology or a lot of the things that go into that. I don't like the puritans, the antinomian controversy or the salem witch trials. BUT all that is not what america was founded to be. In fact, the antinomian controversy or the salem witch trials COULD NOT happen today because that stuff is against the law, thank God.

It can only legally happen to you while you're PRE-18. Then you're free to do as you please. Freedom is not the same as anarchy tho, because anyone would have to agree that all stand before God "the Judge" one day. But if you do so BEFORE trusting alone in Christ alone as "the Savior" then that judgement will be a death sentence.

Considering all this....i find the whole phenomenon of a "calvinist/arminian evolutionist" or a "calvinist/arminian abortionist" or a "calvinist/arminian drug addict" well i find all this kinda thing baffling. i mean i don't struggle with those kinda things and i'd never even say it REVEALED anything about my salvation if i did struggle.

"Christian" support of "questionable politics" is far more baffling to me than a support of "questionable art" I mean, it's possible to like a hippy rock star and yet, not support the dismantling of illegal drug laws. For example, Alice Cooper is Christian hes just "being artistic" when he sings his songs.

But to support an abortionist, evolutionist, anti-drug law politician, that's just flatly anti-Christian.

works salvation song #11

2011-03-11T01:27:00.001-08:00

Charlie Daniels "the devil went down to georgia"

lyric excerpt "if you lose the devil gets your soul"

works salvation song #10

2011-03-02T02:07:00.001-08:00

Carrie Underwood - "Jesus take the wheel"

lyric excerpt: "She bowed her head to pray She said I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life I know I've got to change So from now on tonight Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance Save me from this road I'm on"

works salvation song #9

2011-03-02T02:02:00.000-08:00

Hank Williams - "lost highway"

lyric excerpt: "Now boy's don't start to ramblin' round On this road of sin are you sorrow bound Take my advice or you'll curse the day You started rollin' down that lost highway"

works salvation song #8

2011-03-02T01:58:00.001-08:00

hank Williams Jr. - "whiskey bent and hell bound"

Lyric excerpt: "Don't you play 'I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry' cause I'll get all balled up inside And I'll get whiskey bent and hell bound"

Works Salvation Song #7

2011-03-02T01:51:00.000-08:00

AC/DC - "highway to hell"

lyrics excerpt: "Living easy Loving free Season ticket for a one way ride Asking nothing Leave me be Taken everything in my stride Don't need reason Don't need rhyme Ain't nothin' I would rather do Going down By the time My friends are gonna be there too, eh I'm on a highway to hell On the highway to hell Highway to hell I'm on the highway to hell"

Works Salvation songs #6

2011-03-02T01:49:00.001-08:00

Twisted Sister - "burn in hell"

lyric excerpt: "It's up to you, what you do will decide your own fate Make your choice now for tomorrow may be far too late And then you'll burn in hell"

Works salvation song #5

2011-03-02T01:42:00.000-08:00

Derek Webb - "what matters more"

lyric excerpt: "'Cause if you really believe what you say you believe You wouldn't be so damn reckless with the words you speak"

Works Salvation song #4

2011-03-02T01:33:00.001-08:00

Ozzy Osbourne - "facing hell"

lyric excerpt - "You make promise of protection To a future after life To the final resurrection And to eternal paradise But then I'm blinded with temptation And to every mortal sinIs it God that sits there waiting?Or will the darkness suck me in"

Works Salvation song #3

2011-03-02T01:28:00.000-08:00

Johnny Cash - "Ghost riders in the sky"

lyrics excerpt - "If you want to save your soul from Hell a-riding on our range,Then cowboy change your ways today or with us you will ride,Trying to catch the Devil's herd, across these endless skies"

Works Salvation song #2

2011-03-02T01:26:00.000-08:00

Elvis Presley - "Shake, rattle & roll"

lyric excerpt: "I said shake rattle and roll, Well you wont do right,To save your doggone soul"

works salvation song #1

2011-03-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

Alan jackson - "where i come from"

lyric excerpt: "Workin hard to get to heaven, where i come from"

calvinism

2011-01-15T03:41:00.000-08:00

calvanism proclaims a vague, uncertain transformation and calls that "faith." it's absurd.

non-violence

2011-01-15T03:05:00.000-08:00

i wrote songs a long time ago. i wrote them as an escape from reality. they may have been inspired by real events but making them into a song made them more easy to deal with or made them like artistic happenings in my mind. even if they seem to be negative, they're not really. i mean i enjoyed doing them, not because i was or am negative, but because i like music. if i seem preoccupied with doomy subjects it's not because i felt negative necessarily, i just was of the opinion that happy songs were shallow and i think a lot of them are. it's not necessarily the negativity that i was interested in, it was the seriousness or the caring nature of grave subjects...the reverence for life and more specifically the reverence for me.

i dont like being disrespected. who does? but it hurts alot more when it comes from someone you feel the need to be respected by. i know you cant go around demanding respect if you arent rich...and i probably never will be, so i guess ill always be disrespected in small ways by casual acquaintances but ive made a decision to not let it actually hurt me. that doesn't mean i wont do something legal and nonviolent if i can to stop it, but i mean like hurt me inside. i've made a decision to not let mean people hurt me inside or at least to try to recognize that they are mean and i shouldn't let them hurt my feelings. also to realize that they probably lash out at me out of some kind of jealousy or sadness to make themselves feel better...and to just realize that not appreciating me is their loss.

also to avoid people that are negative in a non-artistic way. and not wonder why they are mean and come back to them like a dog for more abuse. it may be a little late to make these decisions and maybe im a slow learner but i look for the best in people and i make excuses for they way they behave like maybe i deserve it but no more.

of course some people have earned their way into my heart and they'd have to do multiple terrible things for any of this to apply to them. and some i could never turn on that's one thing i never liked about some christianity the whole "dont associate with a sinner" thing. what if you love the sinner? its not like they killed someone anyway. i think sin is way overrated in its terribleness. no one is that bad... unless theyre in and out of jail for legitimate reasons or whatever i dunno i feel for people i care about too much to shut them out without many good reasons. but sometimes you care about people that never cared much for you at all. and that's what im trying to avoid.

Demonic Oppresion

2010-12-05T03:04:00.000-08:00

i'd just like to say up front that i am an avid admirer and fan of Bob Wilkin and the Grace Evangelical Society. I cannot think of a single thing i disagree with him about especially in regards to soteriological issues. I consider him my foremost teacher and mentor of the Bible. This has been since 2005 and will not change.

However, it's been very hard to FORGET the past. As a youngster, I attented a "calvinist" church 3 times a week. the church started an academy that had Bible class 5 times a week and chapel on friday. that's like nine Biblical meetings a week! this went on for at least 6 of my formative years! Not to mention the church trips and other activities.

I always knew "calvinism" had a traumatic effect on me even before i knew the word "calvinism". I was crying in sunday school about it when i was 8 years old which is embarassing. But only in the years since my discovery of Bob Wilkin and the Grace Evangelical Society have i realized HOW traumatic and paralytic "calvinism" was to me. They should have a 12 step program.

I think those catholic songs that repeat phrases over and over are really pretty but also really disturbing and also really LACKING of faith. I relate to them because i used to lay in the dark afraid in bed BEGGING Jesus to have eternal mercy on me repeatedly all the time just obsessed with the total horror of the possibility of damnation.

I also relate to all sorts of "dark themed" art. I feel like i know alot about it BECAUSE of my "calvinist" background. Horror movie special effects can never live up the horror you create for yourself inside your mind. "Calvinism" puts YOU as the victim of ALL KINDS of vile treatment and for what? FOR YOUR FAILURE TO BE TRANSFORMED! this is even more terrifying that the catholic reason for doom("your failure to perform").

My "calvinist" background had a LOT to say about demons and stuff like that. In hindsight i think they knew a lot more about it than i would've thought. I feel like the most "demonic oppression" i ever experienced was because i actually listened to the words i heard in church. I know that would annoy them to no end but i am confident that a chainsaw murder would be far less damaging to me as a person than if i'd died only having heard their "calvinist" rhetoric. I'm certain of that.

I dunno how to express that without being mean, if that is even what i've been. It wasn't my decision to go all overboard with the whole thing. They were probably trying to do the right thing. But i think they were off by a whole ETERNITY.

I take note of the similarities between a "false religious conviction" and "demonic oppression," at least in the eyes of their respective "victims".

bobby

2010-08-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

the motion picture "bobby o'ghee" i portrayed the lead charachter in awesome fashion...

Marked Man Films | MySpace Video

here's another film from the director:

2010-06-20T19:05:00.001-07:00

the invitation

2010-02-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

For me in the 1980's there was nothing as scary and horrifying as "the invitation" part of the sunday morning southern baptist shtick.

Southern baptist preachers have to give progress reports back to the southern baptist convention. They have to "put up some pretty big numbers" if they're gonna "move ahead" with their "career" as a "servant of the lord." I've been baptized in a southern baptist church at least 4 times and i'm sure those numbers helped the preachers that brought those numbers about. I know lots of ppl that have experienced "multiple baptisms."

Anyway, preachers are really at their peak of power during "the invitation" section. They've been going off crazy for about 30 minutes at this point about scary god stuff and then "this is you're chance to respond." in fact this could be, they say, your LAST chance to respond. The consequences for not reponding RIGHT NOW...PUBLICALLY could be severe and eternal. And there's a good chance you could be wrong in thinking you'll avoid hell. You better be safe rather than sorry they say. What will it hurt to "make sure"? hmm...

The problem there is...THAT is not faith, THAT is doubt and the preachers i heard over and over again as a minor PREACHED and RAVED about something or other THAT WAS THE ANTITHESIS OF FAITH IN CHRIST.

Faith is hearing a statement and thinking the statement is true. It's NOT a change of moral lifestyle. Thats works-salvation. Bob Wilkin knows it and i know it.

I'll continue talking about it till the day i die.

The unforgivable sin

2010-02-04T03:57:00.000-08:00

One time, when i was 8 in church on sunday morning, I first came into contact with the phrase "the unforgivable sin." They said blashpemy was the same as the unforgivable sin and went through the whole thing and i asked em what blashemy was and they said it was "cussing God." Also, i was to be baptised for the 2nd time later this same morning.

Anyway, when they explained the whole situation i burst out in tears right then and there. i made a terrible scene. Everyone was happy on a beautiful sunday but my world was going to be engulfed in flames should i die before i wake. But it got aweful silent when i began to express my concerns. The teacher (i wont say his name) just said (in what i guess he thought was a conforting tone), "you just don't worry about that." Huh huh fat chance fella. Im all kinda worried about it. I mean really how could he say that?

Anyway, i was already being baptised for the second time AT EIGHT years old so, some things weren't really clicking with me and this "salvation stuff." And it just so happened, on the morning of my 2nd baptism, i discover the whole "unforgivable sin" thing.

IN MY MIND it filled in all the blanks.
THAT is why i didn't "feel a desire to be holy."
THAT is why i didn't "feel a change inside."
THAT is why i wanted to "be just like the world."

It all made sense, I was damned forever and could not feel the salvation as i should because i'd commited the unforgivable sin. THAT was why the salvation message i'd heard made no sense whatsoever. It was a terrible thing to feel. Agonizing spiritual pain.

For YEARS i attened church twice on sunday, had bible class mon-fri at school and chapel at school on friday. That's EIGHT times a week for me to AGONIZE about my eternal damnation. I don't know if you know me, but i'm obsessive. I obsess. It was torture. I wish i knew then what i know now.

It wasn't until years later that i'd discover Bob Wilkin (who has an amazing "unforgivable sin" perspective). My discovery of Bob Wilkin and the Grace Evangelical Society would give me what the religion of my childhood could never, i know now, have given me:

Faith in Christ.

whatever it is, whatever you are

2010-01-27T00:57:00.000-08:00

for the moment at least
im not running
for one fleeting second
i summon the courage to take you on
i'm not afraid of you
i can erase the rules just as fast as you can
if i feel in danger
i will make you feel in danger too

unless i die
then it doesnt matter anyway

zing!

The unfortunate side(s) of modern "Christianity"

2010-01-26T01:58:00.000-08:00

I was raised in and have been exposed to a rather severe form of religious piety. It informs every single aspect of my life. I would describe it as "inescapable" at this point. It wouldn't bother me so bad if i could find a way to view my experiences as anything other than sad, frightening and most of all...hopeless.

Soteriology has always been of the utmost importance to me. Even before i knew a proper handle for it, it was on my mind. I see no reason to move on either. If you don't think it's important...i must respectfully and forcefully disagree.

But that's not really the initial subject i had in mind for this particular post.

Having had many, many weary experiences of a religious nature, one thing in particular has bothered me greatly. It's whole "throw em under the bus" typa mentality. The "it's all about God not you or me" thing. I mean really, how terribly cold-hearted that kinda thing seems to me.

To me, a friend is a friend to the end. A preacher (trust me i've known several when they "weren't" yet preachers) they seem more interested in "gettting to know" people that will help their career. They seem more interested in Biblical thoughts that will help their career. In fact i outright accuse some of em of it. They just strike me as terribly awfully phony. I doubt whether they actually believed anything they ever told me i think they were just "playing preacher" trying to do a good job which on the surface sounds commendable. Had the situation been different they would've said something totally different.

I find this annoying. I find this disgusting.

"Don't wanna talk about it (I say why not)"

2010-01-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

There have been times when i was looking for an argument. There may be more such times in the future but now is not one of the aforementioned times. In my experience, "argumentative persons" usually find each other out of a crowd and sometimes it ends well and sometimes it's a complete disaster...I feel like I've been there before and seen all of that kinda world that i care to see...for the time being at least.

I have a tendency to want to judge such persons. Maybe even harshly at times. But I'd just be judging myself cause i can see most points being made as points i could at one time or another share, maybe have or will so if they are guilty then so to am i everyday of my life. Well, I dunno, that all depends...I am a conservative, Bible-believing vegan after all. Hehe.

I dunno how to deal with a disagreement really. It's all so degrading this thing called life. You have to listen to all these angry people who you think are full of crap and hear them speak words you think are complete garbage...and maybe they will convince someone that what you are sure is the actual truth is not in fact the truth and the garbage that you don't believe is the real truth and the real truth is garbage. And you think to yourself what a terrible injustice.

Well there has to be a time for letting things go. And coming from anyone who knows me this is an interesting thing for me to say, "Just let things go." Just let people think what they wanna think(within reason of course). If they aren't gonna hurt you or yours, Let God deal with em on judgment day.

It doesn't have to be your war all the time. It's not gonna be mine as much as it was before. I still care sure but not enough to do as I've done. If it's a tragedy then God is watching and keeping score and I'm just gonna keep my nose clean as i can.

I dunno though...I can see how a "laid-back" mindset could be viewed as a wonderful thing to an evil mindset. I mean if the good folks act cool when the bad folks act crazy, then that's kinda crappy too huh? So i dunno, i'll grind it fine in my mind and if i think you're outta line i'll let you know.

little big planet

2010-01-02T05:52:00.000-08:00

So, woke up yesterday around 3:30pm (i guess but really who's counting?) and i felt pretty i dunno anxious i been kinda anxious or weird here lately. kinda "fit-pitchy." Anyway i SHOULD have been ecstatic cause i didn't have to work and I'm relatively healthy having recently quit smoking and all. I dunno what it is but i have some theories:

Been drinking lots of mountain dew here lately after a long spell of not doing so. Now, i realize that seems kinda crazy but I've heard form some fairly reliable sources that intake of caffeine (and maybe sugar too i dunno) can make you "irritable."
Quit smoking October 16,2009. Now obviously, this can be a big issue. This new years ever was maybe the first time in like 16 years that i haven't had a cigarette and maybe one of the few times i haven't had a drink on new years.
My job moving to "2nd shift." This is a big issue for me. How can anyone be happy working such lousy hours. 3pm to 11pm would be bad enough but OFTEN i have to work 3pm to 12pm and that one hour makes a terrible soul hurting difference.

We'll just stop there. I have issues of a nature not normally my normality. Some beyond my control, some not. But i've been crazy lately in spite of truly great things i have in my life. And even though i haven't went TOTALLY overboard with the "lashing-out" as bad as i have in the past i can TOTALLY attribute me stopping short of complete meltdown to the far more affable nature of my current associations.

Where was I? Oh yes, I woke up late, slept in and it was wonderful to not have to go to work. So i figured hey "lets go to the walmart 14 miles away instead of the one 4 miles away." The one 14 miles away has more stuff and i just felt like doing something besides going to the local walmart and going to a "not so local wal-mart" is not exactly the same thing so, anyway...

We got the game "little big planet" and what an adorable little game. I though maybe it would bring some "good vibes" into my recently "semi-stressful" life. Well i somehow lost the reciept. This is a longstanding issue with the "receipt losing". And this time i was in a "not gonna take it mood" with myself. So, i griped a blue streak the WHOLE way back to the not-so-local wal-mart and began to laugh like dwight fry in dracula when i found it crumpled up on the ground in the parking lot....i'd been debating whether it was pointless to even contemplate whether i could find a receipt at night in a huge superwalmart parking lot. But actually said outloud on the way "maybe it didn't fly away too far because it musta fell outta my pocket so it musta been crumpled up and maybe wouldnt fly off very far." I decided i HAD to know and could make myself feel better by telling myself i did all i could in the even that i never found the reciept.

But i was kind aout of my mind about the whole thing. It might sound unimportant but i kinda freaked out and went waay overboard about it. I really am starting to feel like i need to get it together and quit freaking out so much. Cause i don't wanna start going in that direction ever again. So i'm gonna try to just get on the ball and not give myself REASONS to freak out. Because for a long time now, I've been my own enemy and my only enemy.

Well that might be an over-reaching thing to say too. I just OVER-whathaveyou things too much. Need to be calm. Calm and ready to destroy the things that need to be destroyed and calm and ready to be nice to the things that deserve no pain from me. i wrote a little "poem" recently and it went like this:

The calm doesn't leave me,
The calm is my friend.

And i like that a lot.

2010 march of the colossus(es)

2010-01-01T04:51:00.000-08:00

2010 is off to an incredible start already...

I'm talking about the return of the mighty Hulk Hogan full of power this monday night i already got the dvr set to record and it's gonna be too awesome to calculate.

I'm talking about the return of the the mighty Soundgarden full of power to reclaim their rightful place in the throne of rock god superstardom.

I'm talking about the return of the mighty Grendel full of power fresh from the stanky whoofs of hades with a vengence in his eyes that will one day scream for absolution.

2010 the dust will settle revealing 6 minute miles, 500lb benches and smoker-free rock n roll vocal power unheard previously in the annuls of rock history.

also, Dio shall return to stage and studio full of lightening and thunder.

So it is written and so it shall be done.

macho sissy

2009-12-27T00:21:00.000-08:00

i dare you to walk up into a crowd of guys and say, "i don't like football, metallica or the consumption of meat." Just as a sociological experiment. If you live through it, i'd like to hear a list of all the insults they gave you.

I equate hostility with a "macho-man" mentality too. Or say "i'm earnest and sentimental" and they'll be like "we hate you and wish you were dead, it's a sin to be earnest or sentimental".

I don't like the feeling of being bullied. Like "i would do this but they would say this so i'll do this instead because they're intimidating."

i just prefer music and art over football and metallica...and certainly, dress up and make believe is a perfectly acceptable part of my world. hehe.

i'm not "militantly sissy" i just wish the "militantly macho" would extend the same courtesy.

i don't wanna punch anyone in the face and i think i'm unique in that regard. i constantly feel threatened with violence...for whatever reason.

Violence

2009-12-20T23:50:00.001-08:00

I don't like it or want it in my life.